I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
