Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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