4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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