I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
