Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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