woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
