I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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