Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
