Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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