he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
