I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
