I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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