Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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