i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
