Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
