i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize