I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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