I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
