i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
