found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
