Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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