I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
