meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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