i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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