omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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