i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
