dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
