it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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