Kiss
Puke
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
