ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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