You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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