I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
