Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
