Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
