OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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