Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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