I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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