i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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