A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
