I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
