Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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