I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
