They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
