The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
