The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
