I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
