we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
