I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
