And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I could make wine with my vomit
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
