His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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