i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
