I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
