oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
