My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
