go do what you do best...puke behind churches
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I cut my penus on the lid.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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