so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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