hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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