Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
