I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize