He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
