you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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