i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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