her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
