Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
