AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
