I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
