If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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