Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
