when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
