just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
