that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
