dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
