R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
