If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
