3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
...so i touched it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
