Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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