why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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