I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
