i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
