I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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