I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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