Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
